Man Evolved?!

So we are a highly evolved intelligent species! Or are we?


One would like to think, that over the squillion years we’ve been “evolving”, with the information age allowing us to share ideas, facts, scientific discovery, social trends and pretty much any other form of information you could imagine, that we would finally be showing signs of our supposed evolved intelligence. However, I can’t help but think that this is merely a ruse to help us feel better about our place in the universe or perhaps an attempt to convince ourselves that we are different to those lower forms of life, you know, slugs, frogs, cephalopods, lawyers etc.

It doesn’t take too much of an effort in observation to start to question how evolved we really are...

Have you ever considered the kinds of things that humans take pleasure in? I mean really stopped and looked at the stuff that excites us? 

Dancing...

Not the kind of dancing that takes a great deal of skill, co-ordination, training and athleticism but the kind of dancing that takes place at most parties/pubs/clubs etc. Lets take a closer look at this activity.

Step 1.  Consume a tad too much alcohol. (This is required to affect our ability to make good choices)

Step 2.  Add some music. Quality of music is subjective and can be rated from “WTF!?” through to “HELL YEAH!” (Various socio-economic groups will relate to much different musical stimuli. White trash will generally like AC/DC and/or Eminem. Rednecks like anything by Alabama, Billy Ray Cyrus or The Charlie Daniels Band. Working class 30 somethings responds well to Bon Jovi, Chicago, Queen and Meatloaf.)

Step 3.  Jiggle, shimmy, shake, jump, rock, slide, step, convulse or otherwise move semi-involuntarily and vaguely in time to the prevailing music selection.

Now, granted when the above steps have been successfully executed, this is a huge amount of fun. However, when you’re the DD, (designated driver) or other less intoxicated member of the gathering and looking in from the outside, it becomes much more of a head scratch moment. In fact it can be downright confounding! It just looks so ridiculous. I would take this one step further and suggest that if we were to video ourselves dancing, trashed at a club we would never dance in public ever again.

Important to consider at this stage that the above activity also generally requires a chunk of cash. That’s right! We pay money to go to clubs and we pay money to get soggy. All so we can look like retarded chimpanzees in spasm!

Sports...

Now this is a hugely diverse category and some may argue more directed at the male of the species, and while traditionally true, a growing portion of sports fans are women. Lets look at the basic concept of some common (and less common sports)

(Soccer) Football...

Put 22 humans on a rectangular patch of grass facing each other. Give them a round ball and tell them to run back and forth kicking it, fall over clutching any random part of their body and cry like a 6 year old girl, and try to put the ball over a white line between some posts. In fact, if we were to break this sport down to its most basic concept, the idea is to make the ball touch a net then take your shirt off. We pay money to sit/stand in cold concrete stands in the middle of winter so we can be apart of this madness. some of the better ball kickers and ball stoppers get paid multiple millions of $$$ every year for participating in this game.

Rugby...

Similar to soccer except you have more players, an oddly shaped ball, generally less kicking and every now and then there’s an opportunity to have a 16 person cuddle (called a scrum). The point of this game in its simplest form is to carry the ball over a white line and touch the ground with it. And to participate in a large scale man love moment.

Golf...

Generally an individual sport involving a selection of weapons called clubs, mad from various materials ranging from wood to metal to carbon fibre. The point of this sport? Smack the crap out of a small dimpled ball so that it travels from one end of a paddock to the other then gently tap the ball into a hole in the ground. Rinse and repeat x 18 and you have a completed game, repeat that x 4 and you have a completed tournament. One of the few sports where winning isn’t everything. In the PGA the “cut” is usually the top 44 players, everyone who makes the cut gets paid something. So, gold is awesome for people who just can’t win at shit, you can come 44th and still have a pay day. If you’re an exceptional golfer you can also get endorsement deals from sponsors like Nike, Titleist you can also have your choice of hot as call girls, barmaids and bimbo like followers. Just don’t let your wife find out.

Synchronized swimming (or synchronized anything for that matter...)

I’m sure I don’t have to explain this one. (sigh)

To participate involves spending time and money and often results in injuries so why do we play?

To spectate involves us spending time and money on traveling to events, buying tickets, buying team jerseys and other team paraphernalia. Like dancing, spectating in sport if often best done whilst over indulging in a few bevies.

These are only two examples of our obviously evolved state, NOT! We are just animals. Simple, easily amused, easily sucked in, and easily relieved of our money pride, dignity and self respect animals.

I’d love to go on and on, but I have to stop now before the internet is full.


Stop and Think!

Mos